there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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