Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude. I can hear the air.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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