so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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