i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
