Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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