these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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