8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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