The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
