I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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