Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
