the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
