I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
