I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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