Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
