Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
