In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
