why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
