I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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