Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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