His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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