I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
