Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
