I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
