My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
