real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
