Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
