if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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