yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
