he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
