From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
