Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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