proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
