Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
