im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
