So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
