im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
