you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
