ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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