True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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