Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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