That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
