I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Of course I have a pirate flag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
