so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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