So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
