If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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