I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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