mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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