we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
