i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
