apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize