Just fell off a train. Bad.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
