the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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