Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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