i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
