Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They took my balls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
