yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
