Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
