If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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