we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
