wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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