yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
