this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
