I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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