I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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