I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
