Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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