i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
