if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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