i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
